His silence brought an end to everything.
It’s loud in my ears and I can’t think past the thought ,
“i shouldn’t have done this…. ”
but it’s too late.
The words have left my mouth, filling the air around us, seeming to echo on, malice evident.
He is clearly uncomfortable now, but feels the need to speak, wary eyes on me.
But I understand, i had done the damage, i had taken the first step…
Grabbing his hand and hurtling off a cliff that only i saw. Deceived by misread signs and oh, how his eyes always seemed to find mine. I had thought he was shouting in excitement as we fell, but i now know i was wrong…
“I… I don’t feel the same way” he’s saying.
And I’m already steeling myself against the pain, sharp and sweet, because at least he’s saying something; even if it’s all the wrong words.
On reflex, my palm reaches up to press against my chest, and I’m convinced my heart’s gone now.
A hole left behind, filled with words I’m glad I left unsaid.
But he’s still looking at me. So, I nod. Slowly. I add a “shrug” because that’s how always i told him it’s nothing. forget about it.
He doesn’t believe me. Of course he doesn’t. He knows me.
We’ve seen each other at our worst and pushed each other to be better. I held him together when his parents died, his tears drawing patterns against my chest. It was easy enough to think that he felt the same. We had shared everything else, why not this?
He’s moving away already, the fissure between us growing and I can barely stop myself from reaching out, dragging him back close.
“I’ll see you later. I…. We need some space.” His eyes are sad, as he says this but he doesn’t stop. I stare after him till he turns the corner.
He leaves the silence behind. This new thing that’s determined to take his place. It’s staring at me now, its face a warped mockery of his, most jarring features brought to light.
I sigh and walk away too. It follows.